Valid HTML 4.0!

Date: Sun, 20 Jun 93 19:30:03 EDT
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
From: Mike_Perry@dge.ceo.dg.com
Subject: API Contracept Strategy - IPA/IN/666
CEO document contents:
 
Document Reference: IPA/IN/666Issue: Draft 42Date: 15/04/83 No of Pages 4.

Author(s): Kurt JennerStatus: Definitive

Summary: This IN describes the "API Contracept Strategy" which is the exact Converse of the "IPA Intercept Strategy." Various contracept methods are described, and it is concluded that an "Exocept" (Counter Contracept) Strategy may be based on a recognition of these.

1. INTRODUCTION

The IPA Intercept Strategy has been widely publicised. It also appears that many other organisations are taking a similar approach to OSI Standardisation.
However, it has been discovered that some organisations are also practising the converse of this: the API (Active Prevention of Inter-working) Contracept Strategy. This little known strategy is operated secretly but most effectively, and the purpose of this IN is to bring some of its method out into the open where they can be recognised for what they are.

2. THE CONCEPTION

The development of International Standards can be likened to the events of conception, pregnancy and birth. At the outset, the decision to produce a standard is made. There then follows frantic activity during which many organisations compete to develop the standard. An International Standard can usually trace many ancestors in its genes. Eventually the standard is born and is given a name, which is generally quite prosaic but interestingly is always called after the mother. The gestation period of an International Standard depends on its mother and may be up to 5 years.

Many organisations develop their own standards, but the chief International ones are ISO, CCITT, ECMA and ANSI. The prime focus for OSI Standardisation, ISO (Internecine Strife Organisation), sees the effect of both Intercept and Contracept Strategies; it is not accidental that "ISO" is "OSI" backwards. One body that is very effective in getting its own way is CCITT (Comit'e pour Conformance aux Ide'es T'el'ephiniques Totale). However, ECMA (Effective Contracept Methods Association), provides an excellent counter to CCITT activities.
ANSI (American Nexus for Sub-committees In-fighting) finds itself in the middle of opposing CCITT-like and ECMA-like views.

3. METHODS

3.1 Sterilisation

The intention here is to prevent rival organisations from producing any useful ideas. As a rule this only delays rather than prevents effective output, but time is of the essence in Standardisation work. Sterilisation methods require attendance at rival organisation meetings. Some techniques used are:

3.2 Abstinence

This method aims to ensure the involuntary absence of rival organisations from important meetings. This is generally not a reliable method, but is practised because of its unsettling side-effects. Its techniques include:

3.3 Rhythm Method

This method is widely practised, but is not effective for contracept purposes on its own. The essence of it is that regular attendance (hence the name) is made at the meetings of rival organisations. The result is insinuation into the organisation so that its members forget that the insinuator is an outsider. The ultimate success of the Rhythm Method is being appointed as Secretary (which is a good position to be in if facts or views have to be distorted) or even as Chairman.

3.4 Withdrawal

This is a very risky contracept tactic and requires considerable courage. The principle is to withdraw totally from a discussion which is leading to contrary ideas. If done properly, it not only undermines the confidence of the others in the idea being debated, but also gives the "agent-provocateur" a chance to sow the seeds of dissension elsewhere in other sub-groups.

3.5 The Sheath

The SHEATH (System for Harassment of Enemies and Tying their Hands) is reasonably reliable if used properly. When attempts to prevent a rival organisation from developing and bringing its own ideas to a meeting have been unsuccesful, then various methods of frustrating effective delivery of these ideas are available:

3.6 The Cap

As a fall-back position it is possible to use the CAP (Competitor Annihalation Programme), although it must be applied only after the situation has been carefully sized up. The intention is to ensure that cometitive ideas, although properly presented, fall on deaf ears. To arrange this takes real skill, but some ploys are:

3.7 The IUD

IUD (Insidious Undermining of Discussion) methods come into play when, despite all endeavours described above, a rival idea has taken root.
The best option in this case is to cause so much confusion that the idea is swamped and forgotten. The techniques of Sterilisation (section 3.1) are relevant here although in a different context, but some specialised IUD tactics are:

3.8 The Pill

The PILL (Permanent Interference with Likely Leaders) is the summation of all the contracept methods described in previous sections. It is very demanding to sustain this, but more importantly not to get caught doing it. However, as the very lack of recognition of contracept techniques demonstrates, the PILL can be employed effectively and indetectably over a long period of time.

One particular development of the PILL demands description. This is the Morning-After PILL, which is administered after the event if all else has failed. No reliable method has been found of frustrating an idea once it has been accepted, but research into this possibility is continuing.

4. THE CONTRACEPT STRATEGY

The Contracept Strategy may be applied at three levels. First of all it may be used against competitive developments' at an early stage.
Secondly, it may be used to make others aware of the problem and help defeat it.
Finally it may be used to make sure that rival ideas are not brought to fruition. This culminates in a triple contracept. It is analogous to deciding which horse should lose, backing against it and nobbling it.

5. CONCLUSION

This document has aired some of the methods of the Contracept Strategy. By doing so, it is hoped that it has brought this subterfuge to light and may form the basis of an Exocept (counter-contracept) Strategy.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
Peter Bennett                     internet: peter@rabbit.europe.dg.com
Data General Limited. Parkway 2,  CEO:      Peter Bennett:DGE
Parkway Business Centre,          voice:    061 958 3000
Princess Rd., Manchester M14 7LY  fax:      061 958 3030
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Auswege: Impressum, Haftungsausschluß, Datenschutz, Humor im Internet, meine Homepage.
Links: Imprint, Humor on the Internet, my homepage.


Thomas Bätzler, Thomas@Baetzler.de
$Id$