Your doctor has scheduled you for an autopsy on
___________ at _______ AM/PM. St. Amgems Hospital wants
you to be prepared for what should be an eventful time.
This guide should answer the most common questions in
regard to your procedure. Please call your doctor's office if you have
any further questions.
Please remember, autopsies are performed on an "as needed"
procedure. If you, or a qualified Medical Examiner chooses to cancel
your autopsy, the Pathology department requires 24 hours notice.
- WHAT IS AN AUTOPSY?
As advanced as medical science is, sometimes we need more thorough
procedures to find out why your living status has been impaired. An
autopsy can include CAT scans, X-rays, and surgical evaluation.
- WILL IT INVOLVE SURGERY?
Yes. At times when there is a lack of obvious traumatic
impact, surgery is needed. Your doctor may wish to examine your vital
organs. This involves removal of the organs for the purpose of study. The
contents of your stomach will also be examined, so we urge you not to take
anything by mouth for 12 (twelve) hours before cessation of your existence
or the procedure.
- WILL IT HURT?
We certainly hope not. If at any time you're feeling
uncomfortable, please feel free to alert the pathologist.
- WHAT SHOULD I BRING?
We recommend a very large, empty suitcase. Ideally, your family should
sign a "permission for disposal" form. If this has been done,
you'll be provided with an effects bag and all unwanted matter will be
disposed of in a device affectionately known as "Chuckie". It can
also be helpful for you to bring anything that might have contributed to
your current condition. This can include any drugs containers from
medications you might have ingested.
- WHEN CAN I RETURN TO WORK?
Not for a while. We suggest you worry about this after your
- WILL I HAVE A SCAR?
We take vanity in consideration. You may have a large "Y"
shaped incision on your torso. There may also be some scalp incisions
that can be covered by a competent professional.
- WILL YOU LAUGH AT MY WEENIE?
Yes. Pathology is a profession fraught with stress and alcoholism. Your
doctor may already have placed you in the Weenie Relocation Program (WRP)
which means your weenie might end up in any number of body cavities, at the
whim of your doctor. Should you not want us to laugh at your weenie, we
suggest you dispose of it beforehand.
We at St. Amgems want your autopsy to be a positive experience and
promise to treat your earthly remains with dignity and respect (aside from
the weenie dealie). Please refer to our brochures "Cadaver's Bill
of rights" and "So You're Dead. What Next?" for more
Remember, here at St. Amgems, our day starts when yours ends!