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Aviation Aphorisms

Author unknown

  • Takeoffs are optional. Landings are mandatory.

  • If God meant man to fly, He'd have given him more money.

  • If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick back they get smaller. (Unless you keep pulling the stick back - then they get bigger again)

  • Flying is not dangerous; crashing is dangerous.

  • It's better to be down here wishing you were up there, than up there wishing you were down here.

  • The propeller is just a big fan in the front of the plane to keep the pilot cool. Want proof? Make it stop; then watch the pilot break out into a sweat.

  • Speed is life, altitude is life insurance. No one has ever collided with the sky.

  • It's best to keep the pointed end going forward as much as possible.

  • The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

  • Flying is the second greatest thrill known to man.... Landing is the first!

  • Everyone already knows the definition of a 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. But very few know the definition of a 'great landing.' It's one after which you can use the airplane another time.

  • The probability of survival is equal to the angle of arrival.

  • Always remember you fly an airplane with your head, not your hands. Never let an airplane take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.

  • You know you've landed with the wheels up when it takes full power to taxi.

  • Those who hoot with the owls by night, should not fly with the eagles by day.

  • A helicopter is a collection of rotating parts going round and round and reciprocating parts going up and down - all of them trying to become random in motion. Helicopters can't really fly - they're just so ugly that the earth immediately repels them.

  • Young man, was that a landing or were we shot down?

  • Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.

  • Trust your captain .... but keep your seat belt securely fastened.

  • Any pilot who relies on a terminal forecast can be sold the Brooklyn Bridge. If he relies on winds-aloft reports he can be sold Niagara Falls.

  • Good judgment comes from experience and experience comes from bad judgment.

  • Aviation is not so much a profession as it is a disease.

  • There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing: Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

  • The only thing worse than a captain who never flew as copilot is a copilot who once was a captain.

  • Be nice to your first officer, he may be your captain at your next airline.

  • Any attempt to stretch fuel is guaranteed to increase headwind.

  • A thunderstorm is never as bad on the inside as it appears on the outside. It's worse.

  • Son, I was flying airplanes for a living when you were still in liquid form.

  • It's easy to make a small fortune in aviation. You start with a large fortune.

  • A male pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he's flying, and about flying when he's with a woman.

  • A fool and his money are soon flying more airplane than he can handle.

  • Remember, you're always a student in an airplane.

  • Keep looking around; there's always something you've missed.

  • Try to keep the number of your landings equal to the number of your takeoffs.

  • You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.

  • There are old pilots, and there are bold pilots, but there are no old, bold, pilots!

  • Things which do you no good in aviation: Altitude above you. Runway behind you. Fuel in the truck. Half a second ago. Approach plates in the car. The airspeed you don't have.

  • Flying is the perfect vocation for a man who wants to feel like a boy, but not for one who still is.

  • Asking what a pilot thinks about the FAA is like asking a fireplug what it thinks about dogs.

  • Being an airline pilot would be great if you didn't have to go on all those trips.

 


Auswege: Impressum, Haftungsausschluß, Datenschutz, Humor im Internet, meine Homepage.
Links: Imprint, Humor on the Internet, my homepage.


Thomas Bätzler, Thomas@Baetzler.de
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