Valid HTML 4.0!

Newsgroup: rec.humor.funny
From: ccook,ccook@acs.bu.edu
Subject: If people bought computers like they bought cars
Message-ID: S977.4b8c@clarinet.com
Date: Thu, 4 Apr 96 19:30:04 EST

This was forwarded to me by a co-worker. Since I work in tech support I hear this kind of thing all too much, and I thought it was right on the money. I apologize if you have already seen it. -CLC

What If People Bought Cars Like They Buy Computers?

General Motors doesn't have a help line for people who don't know how to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers, but imagine if they did...

HelpLine:

"General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"

Customer:

"I got in my car and closed the door and nothing happened!"

HelpLine:

"Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"

Customer:

"What's an ignition?"

HelpLine:

"It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine."

Customer:

"Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all these technical terms just to use my car?"


HelpLine:

"General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"

Customer:

"My car ran fine for a week and now it won't go anywhere!"

HelpLine:

"Is the gas tank empty?"

Customer:

"Huh? How do I know?"

HelpLine:

"There's a little gauge on the front panel with a needle and markings from 'E' to 'F'. Where is the needle pointing?"

Customer:

"It's pointing to 'E'. What does that mean?"

HelpLine:

"It means you have to visit a gasoline vendor and purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself or pay the vendor to install it for you."

Customer:

"What? I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell me that I have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with everything built in!"


HelpLine:

"General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"

Customer:

"Your cars suck!"

HelpLine:

"What's wrong?"

Customer:

"It crashed, that's what wrong!"

HelpLine:

"What were you doing?"

Customer:

"I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all the way to the floor. It worked for a while and then it crashed and it won't start now!

HelpLine:

"It's your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do you expect us to do about it?"

Customer:

"I want you to send me one of the latest version that doesn't crash any more!"


HelpLine:

"General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"

Customer:

"Hi, I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power brakes, and power door locks."

HelpLine:

"Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?"

Customer:

"How do I work it?"

HelpLine:

"Do you know how to drive?"

Customer:

"Do I know how to what?"

HelpLine:

"Do you know how to drive?"

Customer:

"I'm not a technical person. I just want to go places in my car!"


Auswege: Impressum, Haftungsausschluß, Datenschutz, Humor im Internet, meine Homepage.
Links: Imprint, Humor on the Internet, my homepage.


Thomas Bätzler, Thomas@Baetzler.de
$Id$