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Confucius says...

Author unknown

  • "Baby conceived on back seat of car with automatic transmission grow up to be shiftless bastard."

  • "Man who lay girl on hill not on level."

  • "He who fishes in another man's well often catches crab."

  • "Wife who put man in dog house find him in cat house."

  • "Man who farts in church sits in own pew."

  • "Boy who go to bed with sex problem wake up with solution in hand."

  • "Woman who cooks carrots and peas in same pot very unsanitary."

  • "Man who marries a girl with no bust has right to feel low down."

  • "Man with athletic finger make broad jump."

  • "Squirrel who runs up woman's leg not find nuts."

  • "Seven days on honeymoon make one whole week."

  • "Modern house without toilet uncanny."

  • "Woman who springs on inner-spring this spring, gets off-spring next spring."

  • "Nail on board is not good as screw on bench."

  • "Man who have hand in pocket feel cocky all day."

  • "Short man who dance with tall woman get bust in mouth."

  • "Man who lay woman on ground has peace on earth."

  • "Man who sleep on railroad tracks wake up with split personality."

  • "Woman who go to man's apartment for snack may get tit bit."

  • "Man who kisses girl's behind, gets crack in face."

  • "Woman who spends much time on bedspring, may have offspring."

  • "Passionate kiss like spider web, lead to undoing of fly."

  • "Man and mouse alike, both end up in pussy."

  • "Man who get kicked in testicles left holding bag."

  • "Boy fool with girl in wrong period get caught red handed."

  • "Boy who play with himself pulls boner."

  • "Boy who diddle little girl do diddly squat."

  • "Butcher who back into meat grinder get a little behind in his orders."

  • "Cat who walk on keyboard wind up in Chinese wok!"

  • "Chemist who fall in acid get absorbed in work."

  • "Couple who make love in strawberries have ass in jam."

  • "Crowded elevator smell different to midget."

  • "Don't judge book by cover, but by how thick it is."

  • "Don't quote me with stupid accent."

  • "Don't drink and park, accidents cause people."

  • "Dumb man climb tree to get cherry, smart man spread limb."

  • "Even the greatest of whales is helpless in middle of desert."

  • "Exotic dancer get appluase, call girl just get clap."

  • "Find old man in dark, not hard!"

  • "Fly who sit on toilet rim get pissed off."

  • "Girl at bachelor pad for snack get titbit."

  • "Girl laid in tomb may soon become mummy."

  • "Girl who sit on brother-in-law's knee, makes it hard for sister."

  • "Girl who is wallflower at party is dandelion in bed."

  • "Girl who marry detective must kiss dick."

  • "Girl who rides bicycle, peddles ass all over town."

  • "Girl who sit on jockey's knee gets hot tip."

  • "Girl who sit on brother-in-law's knee, make hard for sister."

  • "Girl who lay on ground have piece on earth."

  • "Girl with back to fire warming whole of her body."

  • "Girl's best asset is her `lie' ability."

  • "He who sinks in woman's arms have arms in woman's sink."

  • "He who eats ice cream in car is a Sundae Driver."

  • "He who eats too many prunes, sits on toilet many moons."

  • "He who go to bed with itchy butt wake up with smelly finger."

  • "He who outrun cheetah is fucking fast on his feet!"

  • "Man who sucks nipples make clean breast of things."

  • "Man with penis in peanut butter jar, fucking nuts."

  • "Man who buy drowned cat, get wet pussy."

  • "It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park meat in girl."

  • "Man trapped in pantry, have ass in jam."

  • "Man who eat too many prunes, get good run for money."

  • "When small men make long shadows, end of day is near."

  • "Girl who sit on judge's lap get honourable discharge."

  • "Waitress who sit on leper's lap, keep tip."

  • "Man who shoot off mouth, expect to lose face. "

  • "Man with big mouth, beware of foot."

  • "Man who leap off cliff, jump to conclusion."

  • "Shallow woman like man with short temper."

  • "Man with tight trousers, pressing his luck."

  • "Man who throw dirt, losing ground."

  • "Man under wheelbarrow playing with tool, not necessarily mechanic."

  • "Man who sleep with bitchy wife, wake with itchy trigger-finger."

  • "Man who live in stone house, should not throw glasses."

  • "Cow with no legs, ground beef."

  • "Two wrongs not make right, but two rights make U-turn."

  • "Bird in hand, make difficult to blow nose."

  • "Man who smoke pot, choke on handle."

  • "Sailor who get discharged from navy, leave buddies behind."

  • "Never raise hands to angry child-leave groin exposed."

  • "Man who keep feet firmly planted on ground, have trouble putting on pants."

  • "Man who put cream in tart, not always baker."

  • "Support bacteria - is only culture some people have."

  • "He who sit on upturned tack, rise above all."

  • "America good place for Chinese restaurant."

  • "He who have last laugh, not get joke."

  • "All men eat, but Fumanchu."

  • "Woman who put detergent on top shelf, jump for joy."

  • "Never trust man with short legs-brains too near bottom."

  • "Soldier who go to bed horny, wake with dishonourable discharge."

  • "Man who put face in punchbowl, get punch in nose."

  • "Man who fall in vat of molten glass, make spectacle of self."

  • "Man who throw away watch, wasting time."

  • "Man who pull out too soon, leave rubber behind."

  • "Man who push piano down mine shaft, likely to get A flat minor."

  • "Man who fights with wife all day, gets no peace at night."

  • "Man who snatches kisses when young, kisses snatches when old."

  • "Wife who slides down banister makes monkey shine."

  • "Virginity like balloon, one prick and it is all gone."

  • "Girl who douches with vinegar walk around with sour puss."

  • "Girls should not marry basketball players, they dribble before they shoot."

  • "Woman who flies upside-down have crack up."

  • "He who sneezes without a handkerchief takes matters into his own hands."

  • "Man who have head up ass, have shitty outlook on life."

  • "Man who have hand in pocket not just jingling change."

  • "A streaker is someone who is unsuited for his work."

  • "He who make oral love to epileptic woman may get tongue-tied."

  • "He who make love to exhaust pipe of car have hot rod."

  • "Epileptic woman who give blow-job may bite big one."

  • "Man who run in front of car, get tired."

  • "Man who run behind car, get exhausted."

  • "Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ."

  • "Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok."

  • "Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails."

  • "Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it."

  • "War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left."

  • "Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out!"

  • "It takes many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it."

  • "Man who drive like hell, bound to get there!"

  • "Man who sit on tack get point!"

  • "Man who lives in glass house should change in basement."

  • "He who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs."

  • "Baseball is wrong, man with four balls cannot walk"

  • "Man who masturbate into cash register, soon come into money."

  • "Man have more hair on chest than woman, but on the whole woman have more!"

  • "Man who put head on Rail Road track to listen for train likely to end up with splitting headache."

  • "Woman who wear G-string, high on crack!"

  • "Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night."

  • "Is good to learn how to masturbate, may come in handy."

  • "Virgin with thimble on finger never feel prick."

  • "Man with one chopstick go hungry."

  • "Man who lifts stones off woman get rocks off."

  • "Man who go to bed with diarrhea wake up in deep shit."

  • "Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time."

  • "Woman who pounce on dead rooster go down on limp cock"

  • "Secretary not permanent until screwed on desk."

  • "Man who let woman on top is fucking up."

  • "Man who stand on toilet get high on pot."

  • "Naked man fears no pick pocket."

  • "Man who masturbate only screwing himself."

  • "Man who sleeps with old hen finds it's better than pullet."

  • "Schoolboy OK to masturbate as long as it's not against Principal."

  • "He who eats too many jelly beans, farts in living colour."

  • "Best way to prevent hangover is to stay drunk."

  • "Man trapped in sewer eat shit and die."

  • "Man who fuck ugly dog get howled at."

  • "It take square ass to shit brick."

  • "He who eats crackers in bed get crummy sleep."

  • "Wash your face in morning, neck at night."

  • "Man who take woman on camping trip have one intent."

  • "When lady says no, she mean maybe. When lady say maybe, she mean yes. When lady say yes, she no lady."

  • "Wise man never play leapfrog with a unicorn."

  • "Man who sniffs coke get bubbles up nose."

  • "Man who screws near graveyard is fucking near dead."

  • "Man who piss into wind get wet."

  • "Man who pull out too soon get hit in rear end."

  • "Man who eat pussy do lip service."

  • "Man with tool in woman's mouth, not necessarily a dentist."

  • "Man who speaks with forked tongue should not kiss balloons"

  • "Woman who wears padded bra, makes mountains out of molehills."

 


Auswege: Impressum, Haftungsausschluß, Datenschutz, Humor im Internet, meine Homepage.
Links: Imprint, Humor on the Internet, my homepage.


Thomas Bätzler, Thomas@Baetzler.de
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