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Dictionary of Evaluation Comments

Author unknown

Some of you might like to know what the supervisor is really saying in all those glowing employee work performance evaluations s/he keeps cranking out.

What they write:What they mean:
Slightly below average: Stupid.
Average: Not too bright.
Exceptionally well qualified: Has committed no major blunders to date.
Socially active: Drinks heavily.
Zealous attitude: Opinionated.
Character above reproach: Still one step ahead of the law.
Unlimited potential: Will stick with us until retirement.
Quick thinking: Offers plausible excuses for errors.
Takes pride in work: Conceited.
Takes advantage of every oppertunity to progress: Buys drinks for superiors.
Indifferent to instruction: Knows more than superiors.
Stern disciplinarian: A real jerk.
Tactful in dealing with superiors: Knows when to keep mouth shut.
Approaches difficult problems with logic: Finds someone else to do the job.
A keen analyst: Thoroughly confused.
Not a desk person: Did not go to college.
Expresses self well: Can string two sentences together.
Spends extra hours on the job: Miserable home life.
Conscientious and careful: Scared.
Meticulous in attention to detail: A nitpicker.
Demonstrates qualities of leadership: Has a loud voice.
Judgement is usually sound: Lucky.
Maintains professional attitude: A snob.
Keen sense of humor: Knows lots of dirty jokes.
Strong adherence to principles: Stubborn.
Gets along extremely well with superiors and subordinates: A coward.
Of great value to the organization: Turns in work on time.
Is unusually loyal: Wanted by no-one else.
Alert to company developments: An office gossip.
Requires work-value attitudinal readjustment: Lazy and hard-headed.
Hard worker: Usually does it the hard way.
Enjoys job: Needs more to do.
Happy: Paid too much.
Well organized: Does too much busywork.
Competent: Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps.
Consults with supervisor often: Pain in the ass.
Will go far: Relative of management.
Should go far: Please.
Uses time effectively: Clock watcher.
Very creative: Finds 22 reasons to do anything except original work.
Uses resourses well: Delagates everything.
Deserves promotion: Create new title to make him feel appreciated.

 

Source:

From: "G.P." <G.P.@G.P.Com>
Newsgroups: alt.tasteless.jokes
Subject: Dictionary of Evaluation Comments
Message-ID: <h7S54.56$3K5.26819@ratbert.tds.net>
Date: Wed, 15 Dec 1999 19:38:53 GMT

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Thomas Bätzler, Thomas@Baetzler.de
$Id$