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Haiku Error Messages

Editor's Note: The other day, I found a Usenet post that declared "Imagine if instead of cryptic, geeky text strings, your computer produced error messages in Haiku..." and it included a neat list of japanese-style three-line Poems (See Alexey Andreyev's Definition of Haiku if you want to know more about this style of poetry).

After some investigation I found out that most of these Haiku were submissions to the Haiku Error Messages Contest run by Salon Magazine. When they published the Results of the Haiku Error Messages Challenge, the Haiku were quickly distributed all over the 'net, as recounted in the Salon article The case of the hijacked haiku. Other people invented more Haiku - for instance I have also included those found at John Hamer's page Some entries for an error message haiku contest. This page collects all haiku that I've found. I've included proper attribution where it was available, so I hope everybody's happy.

 

I ate your Web page.
Forgive me. It was juicy
And tart on my tongue.

- unknown

 

A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.

- David J. Liszewski

 

The Web site you seek
cannot be located,
but endless others exist

- Joy Rothke

 

Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.

- Suzie Wagner

 

ABORTED effort:
Close all that you have.
You ask far too much.

- Mike Hagler

 

First snow, then silence.
This thousand dollar screen
dies so beautifully.

- Simon Firth

 

With searching comes loss
and the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found.

- Howard Korder

 

The Tao that is seen
is not the true Tao, until
you bring fresh toner.

- Bill Torcaso

 

Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.

- Peter Rothman

 

Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.

- David Ansel

 

A crash reduces
your expensive computer
to a simple stone.

- James Lopez

 

Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working
Windows is like that.

- Margaret Segall

 

Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.

- David Dixon

 

You step in the stream,
but the water has moved on.
This page is not here.

- Cass Whittington

 

Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.

- Francis Heaney

 

Having been erased,
the document you're seeking
must now be retyped.

- Judy Birmingham

 

Rather than a beep
or a rude error message,
these words: "File not found."

- Len Dvorkin

 

Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

- Ian Hughes

 

Errors have occurred.
We won't tell you where or why.
Lazy programmers.

- Charlie Gibbs

 

Everything is gone;
Your life's work has been destroyed.
Squeeze trigger (yes/no)?

- David Carlson

 

Seeing my great fault
Through darkening blue windows
I begin again

- Chris Walsh

 

The code was willing,
It considered your request,
But the chips were weak.

- Barry L. Brumitt

 

Printer not ready.
Could be a fatal error.
Have a pen handy?

- Pat Davis

 

wind catches lily
scatt'ring petals to the wind:
segmentation fault

- Nick Sweeney

 

There is a chasm
of carbon and silicon
the software can't bridge

- Rahul Sonnad

 

To have no errors
Would be life without meaning
No struggle, no joy

- Brian M. Porter

 

No keyboard present
Hit F1 to continue
Zen engineering?

- Jim Griffith

 

I'm sorry, there's -- um --
insufficient -- what's-it-called?
The term eludes me ...

- Owen Mathews

 

Server's poor response
Not quick enough for browser.
Timed out, plum blossom.

- Rik Jespersen

 

Login incorrect.
Only perfect spellers may
enter this system.

- Jason Axley

 

This site has been moved.
We'd tell you where, but then we'd
have to delete you.

- Charles Matthews

 

Hal, open the file
Hal, open the damn file, Hal
open the, please Hal

- Jennifer Jo Lane

 

The ten thousand things
How long do any persist?
Netscape, too, has gone.

- Jason Willoughby

 

New hardware was found.
Please insert new driver disk.
Could have bought a MAC.

- unknown

 

control, alt, delete
digital hari-kiri
three-fingered salute

- Chuck Powell

 

many fingers clicking
screens are full of letters
what is their meaning?

- Hope Maxwell-Snydery

 

Mailer Daemon speaks:
Returned mail: User unknown
Unknown are we all

- unknown

 

Expression police!
An illegal expression
Has been committed.

- unknown

 

Infinity is
Attainable when users
Divide by zero

- unknown

 

Water spills downwards.
Electric stream cascades sparks.
Data flow ceases.

- Cheryl Walker

 

Spring will come again,
But it will not bring with it
Any of your files.

- Cheryl Walker

 

The action you took
Severed hope of connection
With the Internet.

- Cheryl Walker

 

Memory shaken,
The San Andreas of all
Invalid page faults.

- Cheryl Walker

 

Sorrow in my heart,
Bad sectors on your hard drive,
Dead leaves on the ground.

- Cheryl Walker

 

Path does not exist.
He who travels without bounds
Can't locate data.

- Cheryl Walker

 

The blue screen of death,
Fatal to OS; take the time
to gaze at blue sky.

- Cheryl Walker

 

The blue screen of death,
Fatal exception to your
Desire to surf.

- Cheryl Walker

 

Something has gone wrong.
Format your disk, because this
Error won't help you.

- Cheryl Walker

 

Technical support
Would be a flowing source of
Sweet commiseration.

- Cheryl Walker

 

Far-off, placid moon.
Seek such quiet and distance.
There you'll find your files.

- Cheryl Walker

 

Your work has vanished.
Please Abort, Retry, Ignore.
Weep not bitter tears.

- Loren DeLaOsa

 

Fatal exception.
Code has looped upon itself
like the coiled serpent.

- Loren DeLaOsa

 

This pretty blue screen
warns of dark inner turmoil.
Apply service pack.

- Loren DeLaOsa

 

An old CPU
A new program is loaded
The sound of crashing

- unknown

 

Blackbirds, cockroaches, computers,
all are the same,
but older now

- John S. Benjamin

 

Computer won’t boot?
Observe this most ancient rule:
Plug the machine in.

- Miriam Solon

 

Not a pretty sight
When the web dies screaming loud
The site is not found.

- NetPositive

 

 


Auswege: Impressum, Haftungsausschluß, Datenschutz, Humor im Internet, meine Homepage.
Links: Imprint, Humor on the Internet, my homepage.


Thomas Bätzler, Thomas@Baetzler.de
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