Newsgroup: rec.humor.funny From: John Dybala,jdybala@amp;holly.colostate.edu Subject: Doesn't Amiga make a toaster? Message-ID: S97a.3944@amp;clarinet.com Date: Sun, 7 Apr 96 19:30:02 EDT
They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to be submitted for overnight toasting. IBM would claim a worldwide market for five, maybe six toasters.
Everytime you bought a loaf of bread, you would have to buy a toaster. You wouldn't have to take the toaster, but you'd have to pay for it anyway. Toaster'95 would weigh 15,000 pounds (hence requiring a reinforced steel countertop), draw enough electricity to power a small city, take up 95% of the space in your kitchen, would claim to be the first toaster that lets you control how light or dark you wanted your toast to be, and would secretly interrogate your other appliances to find out who made them. Everyone would hate Microsoft toasters, but nonetheless would buy them since most of the good bread only works with their toasters.
It would do everything Microsoft toaster does, but 5 years earlier.
"Baby's First Toaster" would have a hand-crank that you turn to toast the bread that pops up like a Jack-in-the-box.
It would be a large, perfectly smooth and seamless black cube. Every morning there would be a piece of toast on top of it. Their service department would have an unlisted phone number, and the blueprints for the box would be highly classified government documents. The X-Files would have an episode about it.
Your toaster would have a secret trapdoor that only the NSA could access in case they needed to get at your toast for reasons of national security.
They made good toasters in the '70s, didn't they?
They would market the Reverse Polish Toaster, which takes in toast and gives you regular bread.
Their "Personal Toasting Device", which would be barely larger than the single piece of bread it is meant to toast, can be conveniently attached to your belt.
Every month you would receive another lovely hand-crafted piece of your authentic Civil War pewter toaster.
They would cost $16 million but would be faster than any other single-slice toaster in the world.
You would be able to toast 64,000,000 pieces of bread at the same time.
They would be cheap and small quartz-crystal wrist toasters that take a licking and keep on toasting.
The staff would sell you a toaster, but not know anything about it. Or you could by all the parts to build your own toaster.
They would not be available in stores, and you would get a free set of Ginsu knives with each one.
They would immediately spin-off a company called WatToast.
They wouldn't want to be on the same counter-top as the rest of the appliances.
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