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Ismisms - Philosophies explained

Author unknown

Taoism

Shit happens.

Confucianism

Confucius say, shit happens.

Buddhism

If shit happens, it is not really shit.

Zen Buddhism

What is the sound of shit happening?

Hinduism

This shit happened before.

Islam

If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.

Protestantism

Let shit happen to someone else.

Catholicism

If shit happens, then you deserve it.

Judaism

Why does this shit always happen to us?

New Age

Affirm that shit does not happen to me.

Rastafarianism

Let´s roll this shit up and smoke it.

Hare Krishna

She-it happens, She-it happens, happens, happens, she-it, she-it...
(Repeat until you become one with she-it)

7th Day Adventism

Shit happens on Saturdays.

Calvinism

Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.

Episcopalianism

If shit happens, hold a procession.

Lutheranism

Shit happens, but as long as you're sorry, it's OK.

Charismatic Catholicism

Shit is happening because you deserve it, but we love you anyway.

Darwinism

Survival of the shittiest.

Creationism:

And the Lord said "Let there be shit" ... and there came piles of it. After six days of this shit, He rested.

Atheism

I don't believe this shit!

Southern Baptist

Shit will happen. Praise the lord!

Mysticism

This is really weird shit.

Satanism

We hope bad shit happens to all of you.

Witchcraft

Mix this shit together and it will happen!

Shamanism

Whoaa...Holy Shit!

Creation Science

Shit has only been happening since October 23rd 4004 B.C.

Discordianism

Shit makes the flowers grow and that's beautiful.

Kibology

What's shit, and where can I get some?

SubGenius

Shit has happened. For $20 "BoB" will sell you a way to make money from it.

 


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Thomas Bätzler, Thomas@Baetzler.de
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