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Law Enforcement meets
Little Red Riding Hood

Author unknown

Arrest Report

Arresting Officer:

A.K. Friendly

Date and Time:

June 30, 1:52 pm

Taken into Custody:

Red Riding Hood, 153 Little Cottage Lane
Eustacia (Grandma) Hood, 9887 Primrose Lane
B.B. Wolf, address unknown

Officer's Description of Incident:

Community sources alerted police that the subject, Red Riding Hood, was seen departing her residential cottage carrying suspicious basket. Suspect has been under surveillance for 17 weeks, as questions have arisen about the type of "goodies" Ms. Hood and her mother, Betty Jo Hood, have been distributing out of their home.

Officers trailed Ms. Hood at a safe distance as she headed through the heavier part of the wood. Approximately 100 yards into the forest, suspect rendezvoused with B.B. Wolf, a.k.a. Horace Wulfschitz, a.k.a. Antonio Lupino, a.k.a. M.C. Snoop Wolfy Wolf. Wolf has long been associated with questionable activities within forest, including fencing stolen property, illegal importation of controlled substances, running games of chance, and disturbing the peace every full moon.

Officers observed Hood and Wolf exchanging words briefly. Hood then followed along the main path with her suspect contraband. After a few seconds, Wolf fled the scene quickly via a hidden path through the woods. Officers attempted to pursue the fleeing Wolf, but were unable to keep up. Officers sat down in nearby donut shop to plan next move.

Most likely destination for Red Riding Hood was the home of her grandmother, Eustacia Hood. Officers determined to go there and observe suspect further. Upon arrival, officers noticed a trail of blood leading from the front door of cottage to incinerator in back yard. Next to blood trail were a forester's ax, large leather work gloves, and remnants of a plaid shirt.

Inside the cottage the officers noticed all three suspects sitting around a table, sipping from a communal tea pot. Wolf was dressed in Grandma Hood's nightclothes with a bleary-eyed look, while the elder Hood wore an extra large hat with ear flaps. Red Riding Hood was laughing herself into convulsions about something. With all these indications of drug activity and possible foul play, officers decided to enter cottage and see what was in the tea pot.

All three suspects were immediately abusive to the officers, screaming about search warrants and Gestapo tactics. Red Riding Hood screamed at officers, "You men are all the same! Let your weapons do your thinking for you! You see women and wolves enjoying themselves together, and your male ego can't handle it!" Grandma Hood placed her hands under the table and began to rise in a slow and threatening manner. Fearful for their safety, officers lunged at the elderly woman and wrestled her to the ground. Red Riding Hood also entered the fray and jumped on the back of one of the officers, kicking , biting and screaming. Wolf merely sat at the table in an apparent stupor.

From under the table, officers recovered an AK-47 rifle, apparently owned by Grandma Hood, as well as 14 suspicious parcels that resembled the basket carried that day by Red Riding Hood. These packages were confiscated for lab analysis. Red Riding Hood and Grandma Hood were taken into custody and charged with resisting arrest, attacking a police officer, and possession of illegal firearms. Further charges are expected, pending the results of the lab analysis on baskets of goodies. Wolf was also taken into custody and referred to drug therapy.



Related Links: Imprint,


Auswege: Impressum, Haftungsausschluß, Datenschutz, Humor im Internet, meine Homepage.
Links: Imprint, Humor on the Internet, my homepage.

Thomas Bätzler,