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If the World was fair to Guys...

  • Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack on the arse and a "cheers for the sex - now f*** off" would pretty much do it.

  • Birth control would come in ale or lager.

  • Valentine's Day would be moved to 29th February so it would only occur in leap years.

  • On Mothers Day, you'd get the day off to go drinking.

  • The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would be "Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle."

  • Instead of "beer-belly," you'd get "beer-biceps."

  • Tanks would be far easier to rent.

  • Every woman that worked would have to do so topless.

  • When the Police pull you over, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine.


    Cop: "You know how fast you were going?"
    You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place."
    Cop: "Nice one, that's $20 off."

  • Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again.

  • Every man would get four, real "Get Out of Jail Free" cards per year.

  • Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.

  • When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen when the ball goes out of play.

  • Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an acceptable response to "I love you."

  • The funniest guy in the office would get to be the CEO.

  • "Sorry, but I got wasted last night," would be an acceptable excuse for absence and/or poor time keeping.

  • Lifeguards could remove people from beaches for violating the public ugliness ordinance.

  • Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.

  • Lager would have the same effect as Viagra.

  • "Fancy a shag" would be the only chat up line in existence and it would work every time.

  • Everyone would drive at least 70mph and anyone driving under that would be fined.

  • Dinner break would happen every hour and the boss would hire in strippers and $2000 a night hookers for the duration of those breaks.

  • Saying "Let's have a threesome. You, me and your sister" to your wife/girlfriend would get the response, "What a great idea!"

  • Harrier jump jets would take you to and from work.

  • Everyone would have real a Light Sabre and any disagreements would be settled by a fight to the death.

  • Vomiting after 20 pints would actually make you more attractive to the opposite sex.

  • Along with your milk in the morning, the milkman would deliver two Swedish milk maids.

  • When it was time to leave work, a whistle would sound and you'd get to slide down the back of a Brontosaurus just like Fred Flintstone.

  • "Yes" would be an acceptable answer to a woman"s question of "Does my bum look big in this?"


Auswege: Impressum, Haftungsausschluß, Datenschutz, Humor im Internet, meine Homepage.
Links: Imprint, Humor on the Internet, my homepage.

Thomas Bätzler,
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