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A few summers ago MCI sent my roommates and I a letter that boldly professed, "WELCOME TO OUR FAMILY!" Also, on the envelope, there was a picture of a happy nuclear family. I was so excited to be a part of it that I mailed them the following letter:

Dear MCI,

Thank you for your beautiful letter that welcomed me to your family. I was pleasantly surprised by how warm and genuine it was. I noticed that you offered me savings when I call friends and family that also use MCI. I presume that you use MCI, and since we are family, I am looking forward to all the savings I will receive from calling you. I am doing well in college. The semester is almost over, and soon I will be home. Unfortunately, it will only be for a few weeks, but I look forward to seeing you. I met a girl, and we've started seeing each other. I think you will like her; she has your eyes.

There were some things in the letter that perplexed me. I was confused by the photograph on the envelope. Why wasn't I in the picture of our family? You could have waited for me to get back before you made personalized stationary for us. It hurt me. And really, if we are family, then why did you bill me? I never made you pay me when I mowed the lawn or vacuumed the house for you. We're family; we shouldn't make each other pay for things we help each other with.

Also, I ran out of money, and was wondering if you could send me some. I don't need much, just enough for some food and clothes. Thanks a lot. Say hello to Teddy and Jerry for me. You son,

Eugene Mirman

P.S. I love you.

Copyright 1995 Eugene Mirman. All Rights Reserved. Feel free to distribute as long as credit is given.


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Links: Imprint, Humor on the Internet, my homepage.

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