Mom's Brownie Recipe

Author unknown

• Remove teddy bear from oven and preheat oven to 375.
• Melt 1 cup margarine in saucepan.
• Remove teddy bear from oven and tell Billy "no, no."
• Add margarine to 2 cups sugar.
• Take shortening can away from Billy and clean cupboards.
• Measure 1/3 cup cocoa.
• Take shortening can away from Billy again and bathe cat.
• Apply antiseptic and bandages to scratches sustained while removing shortening from cat's tail.
• Assemble 4 eggs, 2 tsp. vanilla, and 1-1/2 cups sifted flour.
• Take smoldering teddy bear from oven and open all doors and windows for ventilation.
• Take telephone away from Billy and assure party on the line the call was a mistake.
  Call operator and attempt to have direct dialed call removed from bill.
• Measure 1 tsp. salt, 1/2 cup nuts and beat all ingredients well.
• Let cat out of refrigerator.
• Pour mixture into well-greased 9x13-inch pan.
• Bake 25 minutes.
• Rescue cat and take razor away from Billy. Explain to kids that you have no idea if shaved cats will sunburn.
• Throw cat outside while there's still time and he's still able to run away.

Frosting

• Mix the following in saucepan:
  • 1 cup sugar
  • 1 oz unsweetened chocolate
  • 1/4 cup margarine
• Take the @#$&#$ teddy bear out of the @#$% broiler and throw it away -- far away.
• Answer the door and meekly explain to nice policeman that you didn't know Billy had slipped out of the house and was heading for the street. Put Billy in playpen.
• Add 1/3 cup milk, dash of salt, and boil, stirring constantly for 2 minutes.
• Answer door and apologize to neighbor for Billy having stuck a garden hose in man's front door mail slot. Promise to pay for ruined carpet.
• Tie Billy to clothesline.
• Remove burned brownies from oven.