How To Write a Rap / House / Disco Song

By Brendan Jones

LYRICS:

Simply take one word or phrase from each of the three columns below, in order to make one line. Repeat randomly four times. Repeat process again twice to make chorus. Repeat last line 17 times. Don't worry if they don't make sense.

BACKBEAT:

Program a drum machine in never ending 4/4 time. Add occasional snare.

BODY:

Add monotonous bass in one key. Overlay with puncy sounding synth. Get previously unknown singer to talk the lyrics so as not to test the range of the vocal chords.

PRODUCTION:

Put above ingredients together on master tape. Press discs. Give the label a suitably techno-funk sounding name, like "Mixmastermeatbeaters". Sell 5 million copies to unsuspecting public. Win MTV Award.

The sad thing is the public will think you've been creative...

Better still, this process can be automated via a lyric C program, a random synth base and music generator, and the discs mastered directly by computer control.

This relieves the composer of decisions regarding which phrases and notes to use in production. By pressing the <RET> key, more than 100 CD's a week can be generated.

This I have done, below is a sample composition guaranteed to make megabucks:

Get Down

by Mixmastermeatbeaters

Note that this is indistinguishable from the human generated version.

For those who wish to compose themselves, the program appears in the next posting. I hope for a cut in the royalties :-)

Generate another hit single!.

#include <stdio.h>
#include <time.h>
#include <ctype.h>

static char     col1[6][30] = {
        "Move it",
        "Get up",
        "Pump it up",
        "Get down",
        "Shake it",
        "Pump the jam"
};

static char     col2[6][30] = {
        " to triple beat ",
        " get body heat ",
        " feel the beat ",
        " get around ",
        " the joint is jumpin' ",
        " feet are stompin' "
};

static char     col3[6][30] = {
        "in the city streets\n",
        "you'll be humpin'\n",
        "'til the night is over\n",
        "shake your meat\n",
        "I'm bustin loose\n",
        "with disco heat\n"
};

main()
{
        int     chor[2][3];
        int     i,j,getpid();
        long    now;

/* Generate random seed */

        now = time(&now) / rand();
        srand(getpid() + (int)((now >> 16) + now + time(&now)));

/* Generate chorus and title */

    for (i = 0; i < 2; i++)
            for (j = 0; j < 3; j++)
                    chor[i][j] = rand() % 6;
    printf ("\n\"%s\" by Mixmastermeatbeaters\n\n",col1[(chor[0][0])]);

/* Print out song */

        verse();
        chorus(chor);
        verse();
        chorus(chor);
        lastline(chor);
        printf("-----\n");
}

chorus(chor)
int     chor[2][3];
{
        int     i;

        printf("\n(chorus)\n");
        for (i = 0; i < 2; i++) {
                printf("%s",col1[(chor[i][0])]);
                printf("%s",col2[(chor[i][1])]);
                printf("%s",col3[(chor[i][2])]);
        }
        printf("\n");
}

verse()
{
        int     i;

        for (i = 0; i < 4; i++) {
                printf("%s",col1[rand()%6]);
                printf("%s",col2[rand()%6]);
                printf("%s",col3[rand()%6]);
        }
}

lastline(chor)
int     chor[2][3];
{
        int     i;

        for (i = 0; i < 17; i++) {
                printf("%s",col1[chor[1][0]]);
                printf("%s",col2[chor[1][1]]);
                printf("%s",col3[chor[1][2]]);
        }
        printf("\n");
}