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Newsgroup: rec.humor.funny
From: Mark Stevens,
Subject: The Star Trek Writer's Construction Kit
Date: Wed, 6 Mar 96 19:30:04 EST

Paramount Pictures & Microsoft present

The Star Trek Writer's Construction Kit

for Windows 95

Announcing the launch of the latest version of TSTWCK, a 32-bit application specifically designed to take advantage of the new WINDOWS 95 operating system. With this plug-in module for WORD95 & MS WORKS, you can now create your very own scripts for submission to Paramount!

All the features of the previous version:

  • AutoTechnoBabbleTM

    If your scripts are too heavily weighted towards character development, or your plot threads are getting too complex, then simply drag an outline around the offending section of your script, click the spanner icon and hey-presto! Instant technobabble filler for your script! Who says EPS power taps and phased warp plasma relays can't be exciting?

  • Excitement Removal WizardTM

    It happens all the time. You've written a script full of dynamic action sequences and breathtaking battle scenes, only for Paramount to announce budget cuts for the next season. Just one click of the JeriTaylor iconTM allows you to remove these costly scenes, inserting tender one-on-one character- building dialogue sequences instead.

  • Character IntelliSenseTM

    Have you written a blockbusting script for your favourite Star Trek character, pushing them to their emotional limits in a tense, nail-biting and heart-stopping fashion, only to find that Paramount have assigned you a boring Neelix or Nog-based episode? Character IntelliSenseTM allows you to instantly re-assign key scenes for the characters Paramount have selected for you. Just click and go!

Plus! New for WINDOWS 95:

  • Temporal Anomaly plug-in moduleTM

    Is your script lacking that one important detail that would set it apart from all the others? With this new plug-in module, even you can write exciting scripts up to the lofty standards of Brannon Braga, Rick Berman and Ronald D. Moore. Use the new Anomaly-Mapping WizardTM, featuring over 6000 different types of anomaly texture on CD. Make your time-phased warp interloop conduit stand out from the crowd! As used in the first season of Voyager.

  • DollyTart modeTM

    Is the current season suffering a massive ratings drop? Does your script lack that certain "pull" that other syndicated shows have in abundance? The new DollyTart mode will soon get bums back on seats by tarting up all the female characters in your script! High-heels? No problem. Dynasty wigs and shoulder pads? A mere mouse-click away! The STAR TREK WRITER'S CONSTRUCTION KIT lets you make the executive decisions on what's best for the characters of the show!

  • HoloWizardTM

    We've all been there before. It's two days before your deadline and your script is still a complete blank. What to do for inspiration! Scratch your head no longer, for the new HoloWizardTM is here. Simply OCR a page or two from your favourite classic literary work and paste it into the HoloWizardTM. Within seconds, you have the basic structure for a Holodeck-based episode designed to fit your specifications! If you lack the ability to OCR pages, then don't fear. HoloWizardTM comes with a built-in AutoBardTM patch, featuring the complete works of William Shakespeare, Arthur Conan Doyle, Jane Austen, H. G. Wells, Joseph Conrad and the Bronte sisters! Look out for more AutoBardTM patches on various FTP sites.

  • Sim AlienTM

    Specially designed by Maxis for the STAR TREK WRITER'S CONSTRUCTION KIT. Now you can play God with an entire DNA pool at your fingertips. Create your own race of militaristic bi-pedial aliens to terrify the Federation. After creating compound aliens with the DNA fragments of your choice, run the Lumps EditorTM to wrinkle the forehead, neck or nose of your new creation -- give your aliens that distinctive Star Trek touch!

  • AchillesHeel moduleTM

    Are your race of Sim Alien baddies proving to be too tough? Does the crew of the Enterprise, Voyager and Deep Space Nine find themselves constantly at odds with the overwhelming might of your favourite military faction? Fear not! Simply click the 'Hugh' icon and your alien adversaries will be reduced to mere quivering sheep. Options include faction sub-splitting, elemental aversion (as pre-tested on Doctor Who's cybermen) and our patented Last-Minute-Unfeasible-Achilles-Heel-RevelationTM.

Last minute addition!

  • Babylonian GopherTM

    Is your script lacking the dynamic range of drama, character development and pacing found in rival sci-fi shows? Is your season of Star Trek fading into obscurity, overshadowed by the faultless quality of the competition? Then have no fear! The Babylonian GopherTM will analyse every scene of every script in your current season and modify changes on a global level, implanting interlinking themes, fully-structured character development and ensuring that the story doesn't end when the credits roll.

TSTWCK, developed by Paramount Pictures and Microsoft (with a little help from Mark Stevens & Christoper Wood).


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Thomas Bätzler,
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